Thursday, January 7, 2010


So I'm talking to this little boy at a baseball game. He's super cute and we're getting along famously as I do with little kids sometimes. He then let's slip that his uncle is Barack Obama and he is in the stadium somewhere. He likes me so much he calls him to come sit with us. So Obama and I start to converse. And then we're speaking in French, and then he says, "How's your Greek?" And I say I don't know any, so we switch to English.

Cut to a dark street. I have the hands of about 4 small children now and we're afraid. We walk to a warehouse. Inside we meet a new person. This person puts on some sort of glasses that allow them to see the near future of people (think the camera episode of the Twilight Zone). Now I am able to see from their point of view (my dreams often switch perspective). I look around and everyone looks fine. Then there is a flash around one of the kids, he turns black and white and has a terrified look on his face. We pan to me, same thing but a graphic vision of my death. I've seen enough.

So we continue walking down a dark street. And I look down, and Obama's nephew is gone. He had been holding my hand, but now the other 3 kids are there and one of them is holding my hand. I look behind me and Obama is walking up to me with 4 other children. I tell him that I've lost his nephew and he looks concerned, but as if he expected it. Clearly he's been briefed on a situation that I have not been privy to. As we walk another disappears. I come to realize that something supernatural is afoot and it's stealing children. We come to the end of this alley and there is a huge group of menacing looking adults standing near a loading dock. Now realizing not only are these the ones responsible for the disappearances, but some of these adults bear a striking resemblance to children we've lost. I understand that these adults are in fact spectral beings. The children are disappearing, aging and becoming part of this spectral army. Then one steps forward and with a snide look, asks Obama, "What are you going to do about her?" And as he says this, I see someone walking down the loading dock. Because of the angle, I can only see from the neck down. But I realize immediately, it's me. And he says, "I didn't bring this knife for no reason." And pulls out a machete, and then I wake up.

Sunday, January 3, 2010



This movie is absolutely a visually stunning movie.

Unfortunately, the praise ends there. Had my ticket not been gifted to me, I might have asked for my money back. Avatar is the singularly worst big budget popular film I have been subjected to view. The first and most obvious annoyance being, they spent all this money to write a new language, develop new peoples, yet they used Papyrus font for the subtitles.

While discussing the film, one associate quipped, "It's like Ferngully in 3-d". I must add, however, that this associate liked Avatar. I'll also point out here, that 3-d loses it's interest after about 5 minutes. To appreciate it, you have to continually take your glasses off and desensitize yourself.

The acting was mostly atrocious. I spent most of my time trying to determine the ethnicity of the actors portraying the blue cat people. For no other reason than to test my ability to recognize variations in patterns even through computerized makeup.

The acting was basically on par with an episode of Battlestar Galactica. The plot however, well, that was on par with a b-movie from the 70's. Though I'm not sure I want to be that kind. The first action sequence is stolen right from Jurassic Park.

If you could think of the most generic plot about invading an otherwise peaceful people, throw in some love, and then...oh wait, don't bother thinking, Pocahontas was a true story.

Which brings me to the fact that this was basically a cheap propaganda film. Part of me wants to say, "Well, the message needs to be brought to the idiots that are attracted to shiny, colorful, aliens in 3-d". Because I do believe we should pay more attention to what nature has to tell us, and that, hey, maybe we shouldn't rape and pillage third world countries just because we can! But does this make an entertaining movie? Surely not. Especially if you're already on their side, especially if you have a higher standard for dialogue, especially if you aren't amused by the kind of drivel an imaginative 4th grader could spout out during story time.