Don't lock yourself out on Rosh Hashanah

I have nothing to say. :(

My job is boring. But easy.

My apartment is falling apart. But easy...to get to the metro.

Here's a funny story:

I locked myself out of my apartment. There is a separate lock on my bedroom...well there was. I locked my keys in my bedroom. From work, I emailed the landlord...a landlord. He gave me the number of another landlord who tried to jimmy the lock with no success. I called a locksmith. I made an appointment for 6pm.

I left work to stop by my roommates work to get a key to the front door. En route I received a phone call from the locksmith, CANCELLING. Why? Because it was a Jewish holiday. And in her words, "98% of locksmiths are jewish". Apparently she was unaware of this when I called her at 3pm.

So I called another company...which turned out to be a front for the first company. So I tried another one. He said they didn't do houses, so gave me another number. I asked if this person was Jewish. He said, "No, he's black". I'm sure there are black Jews. In fact, I think this guy was one. Because I called 3 times, and left 3 messages, and got no response.

So I go home, and try to open the door with my grocery card. No workie. I'm prepared now to sleep in the hallway, but I go downstairs to ask my neighbors if they know any locksmiths.

SIDEBAR: my neighbor is a barber shop called Spott's. "Spott" is actually Lloyd, and Lloyd has two wonky eyes. He is the nicest guy on the planet, but I'm not sure I trust his hair cutting skills. There is another guy that works there who always yells, "Hey neighbor!!" when I come home. They are outside 75% of the time.

So they are outside, and they say they don't know anybody and just then a guy walks out from another house and they yell, "Salmon! You know a locksmith?!" "Salmon" walks over and says no, but Lloyd's not gonna let him go that easy. Lloyd convinces him to try to get it open for me. So after trying to climb the back wall, and beating and prying, my door is now open...and there is a huge hole in my door jam...

And "Salmon"'s name is actually Sammer. We also cleared that up.

- where are you, me, them

This will not be entertaining. This will be informative. A background is needed for future rants and/or raves.

I found an apartment. A block from a metro, the U street/Cardozo metro to be exact. To be more exact, the U street/African American Civil War Memorial /Cardozo metro. Although, I refer to it as U Street/Cardozo and the metro people say something like, "U Street/Cardozo, site of the African American Civil War Memorial." It's a statue at the top of the metro escalator, which is most likely not working.

It seems that at any given time 50 percent of the metro escalators are in fact stairs. No one seems to be working on the "stairs". Just trying to save money on electricity? No thanks for the convenience. Love you Mitch.

The apartment is old. It smells like paint and I think it's going to hold that smell. There is no living room. Just two bedrooms and a small kitchen. The building is old. It is surrounded by new apartment complexes. So a safe neighborhood I think. In my old building are two 2-bedroom apartments, a barber shop, a psychic, and what is soon to be a coffee shop. The building is owned by Ethiopians. I was hoping for an Ethiopian coffee shop, but they just want a regular one. Good luck with that. I'll give them some tips, maybe and make it a hip place. I'm also trying to convince them to open an Ethiopian restaurant in Asheville.

My landlords are a riot. They seem to do nothing but eat and drink. They took me to an Ethiopian restaurant. It was flat amazing. So, my apartment is not great, but I think it will work.

My roommate is a fiery Puerto Rican Buddhist Vegetarian in a PhD program to be a Sex Therapist. She wants everything in the apartment to match. The walls are white...

A map store closed the second week I got here. I bought a ton of maps. I will decorate my room amply. Except I can't get the pins in the walls. Maybe I'll just sit in my room and think about maps.

I have one futon and an extra futon mattress. So guests can sleep near the floor.

I found a table on Craigslist. Small, but solid. Carried it 6 blocks. My legs are varying shades of red and purple. I know what it feels like to be into S&M now.

I found a temp job. Most likely lasting about a month. It involves trying to organize a mans files. This man is in charge with contracting the work for the Wounded, Ill, and Injured programs. He is not organized and seems to be reluctant to let people help, yet wants me to work 40 hours a week. It should be...something. But I'll get the experience of reading government contracts. A resume gem for sure.

You have been adequately updated

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if you see me walking down the street with my hands on my hips, i'm neither angry, nor trying to be mod. i'm most likely on my way to an interview, after battling the metro, and i'm airing out my armpits. true story.

on this day in history 11 men hid in a room out of fear for their lives. as they huddled there praying, a bird flew in and excreted fire on their heads. once their heads were inflamed, they did not scream, they began babbling in a new language.

allegedly.

squatters

census has been fairly uneventful. today though. holy crap. definitely was chased by some dogs. i was sure i was going to die. i found an abandoned house and was walking around taking pictures. needless to say, it may not be so abandoned. two dogs come out of nowhere and gave chase. i couldn't remember if i was supposed to run or not run. grab a stick or not grab a stick. as i walked briskly and attempted to grab a stick, i almost tripped, so i decided it was, "not grab a stick". holy moly. holy moly. i've never been so scared in my life.

Meteor

End times, end times. Aquarius is coming. What if the next messiah is a zombie! Oh wait, they all were, therefore any apocalypse is kind of a zombie apocalypse. Kind of a cool thought, but doesn't give me much to look forward to.

Video from Iowa I saw on NPR's site.

My dad is the worst roommate ever.

My dad. God love him (further proof I need to leave the South. The day I say, "Bless his heart", I'm just going to end it all.) And everyone else does too.

The Teet had a buy 2 get 3 free special on deli meats and cheeses. I know I didn't need to actually buy 5 to get the discount, but I'm a fregan, and I had to. I come home around 8 and my dad is already in bed. I get up the next morning and the entire deli drawer is on the counter. Why? He apparently got out of bed, was so confused by the meat in the deli drawer, he put it on the counter for inspection...and then left it to rot?

It occurred to me today that if I don't open every single one of these deli items now, that when it comes time for him to open them, they will all be mangled and left ripped apart for the contents to stale and spoil.

A few weeks ago, I started putting the dirty silverware in a cup of soapy water on the back of the sink. Lets them soak, and keeps everyone from stabbing themselves when doing the dishes. And when I'd find that dad had put silverware in the sink, I'd put it in the cup. It's my thing not his, so I don't mind. Yesterday I made dinner and happened to be in the kitchen while he was making his plate. He got his silverware out of the dirty cup. For weeks now, apparently he has been using silverware from this cup.

No dad, the plastic storage containers are not meant to be used as dishes, nor are they meant to be used in the microwave. Sincerely, blistered round plastic container, and friends.

No, not all shoes fall apart as quickly as a 10 dollar pair from wal-mart. Example: ALL THE SHOES I"VE EVER BOUGHT YOU. And yes, they are better for your knees. So don't get mad when you force me to buy you new shoes.

Fill sink with hot soapy water. So far so good. Leave dishes in said water for THREE DAYS. Then wash them in THAT SAME WATER! No. no. NO. And if the rag you are using smells like a swamp, DON'T USE IT. And yes, you should wash the bottom of the dishes. "You don't eat off the bottom of the plate!" But it does sit on top of the eating side of the next plate! Also, you may not eat off the handle of the pot, but all the same, I'd prefer it not be covered in grease when I go to use it. Thanks.

My father is a bachelor. He does not care. I am well past the age of living at home, and will be moving shortly. But for now, my dad is the worst roommate ever.

Gifting Ideas

Again with the hippie crap...

In addition to the Preserve Toothbrush Subscription, here's two gift ideas I use and plan to adhere to more strictly in the coming years.

Gifting Idea No. 1: Antique stores. Especially the ones with multiple booths run by different owners. Flea Markets work too, but I usually have better luck in the stores. These places are a wealth of neat gifts. They feel as if they're bulging with secrets. The only danger - coming out with more for you than the person for whom you were shopping. The idea here is that there is so much "stuff" just sitting around. Why buy something new, putting a strain on our already strained resources, when there's a really neat Jack Daniels whiskey cabinet for 40 bucks at the local shop? Take a Sunday and just wander through the isles, something is bound to jump at you!

Gifting Idea No. 2: Local Gift Certificates. Is there a local haunt you really enjoy and hope it can survive? Give them some new customers with gift certificates! This works great for the less personal gifts, Secret Santa's, White Elephants, co-workers birthday. And there's nothing wrong with giving them to your friends too! Especially if they come with some small item you picked up at the Antique Store!

It's easy to run to Wal-mart and buy some crap they may or may not need. But where's the fun in that?

In your future gift giving pursuits, have some fun!

Hippie Garbage

A lot of "hippie" things have been weighing on my mind lately.

A big one has been a lesson we all learned in middle school science class:

"Matter can be neither created, nor destroyed."

If this is true, then we have all the resources we will ever have, right now. And I'm not talking about oil, water, etc. This is not an energy discussion. I'm talking about, well, everything.

Every time we throw something away, and it goes to a landfill, that bit of matter has been taken away from our total resources, most likely not to return, until we are so destitute that we actually go looking for things we need in the landfills. Oh, but it's biodegradable! So what? Those landfills are not being turned over. If the piles of garbage are not being turned over, there is no air getting to these potentially biodegradable items, and what you have is no better than the plastic garbage bag, but you did pay more for it!

Even those orange peels may not degrade for a long time, once stuffed under a pile of plastic.

So, compost! But you know what, even if you don't compost, throw your leftover food into your yard. And while you're at it, throw that biodegradable stuff out there too. Eventually, you'll get a pile big enough to warrant some fencing, and voila!, compost! Ok, it's not that easy, but it's certainly a start.

I stumbled across a website today offering recycled items. But actual useful stuff! Stuff we use and chuck in the garbage without thinking twice! Things like razors! The very words, Disposable Razors, should make you cringe a little. These guys even have a toothbrush subscription plan! No need to worry about when to replace your toothbrush, they'll mail you one when it's time!

But let's take this one step further. You buy it recycled, that's cool. But when you're done, you probably still throw it in the trash right? These guys give you free mailing labels to mail your stuff back! They even have information on recycling your brita filters!

These products will be expensive, right? NO! They aren't even trying to rip you off! It's amazing! Now we still gotta figure out what to do with the actual blades, but it's a start for sure.

Take a minute to check these guys out. It could mean the world, to everyone.

Seriously, think about what you're putting in the garbage, and where it's going.

http://www.preserveproducts.com/

Mostly Movies

First: How does that worm get in that apple? Do worms have teeth? Gross.

Second: something funny that i've already forgotten

And third: Avatar at the Oscars. Note how, outside "Best Picture" and maybe you could count "Directing", it only got nominations for things related to it's technological advances. "Best Actor"? no nominations. Actress? No. Supporting roles? No. How about Writing? Of course not. Not even in the "Adapted" category...

What does this say? Avatar was a "pretty" movie. And when Kathy Bates mentioned the good "messages" it portrayed, the rednecks of America...who were watching the Oscars? not likely i guess...turned to their wife and said, "There was a message in that thang?!"

This all leaves me to wonder how Avatar could even be nominated for "Best Picture". I almost cried when it didn't take that award. Cried with Joy! And I can't help but think that Cameron had to cringe a little losing both that title and "Directing" to his ex-wife.

In other news: Alice was sufficient. I need a second viewing to set a real opinion. The 3d was used properly in my book. Alice's dresses were fantastic. I thought Depp's character was a little off-putting at times. Matt Lucas as the Tweedles did not disappoint. And Crispin Glover was able to use his inherent creepiness in a proper way. Helena, well she rarely disappoints. The White Queen was a bit too flitty for me. I understand wanting to be dramatic, but she failed at portraying it well. Overall, I'd say 4 out of 5.

How about The Fall? If you haven't seen this, watch it. It's fantastic. The little Romanian girl will steal your heart.

And I recently watched House of Wax (2005), House of Wax (1953), and Mystery at the Wax Museum (1933). Mystery at the Wax Museum was fantastic. I was not aware certain topics were even discussed in the 30's. Women's lib I suppose, but I wonder if this was a theatre release, or art-house. Either way, fantastic film. House of Wax (1953) was a bore. Sorry Vincent. House of Wax (2005), while hokey at times, as teen horror movies are, was a decent flick of the genre. The final scene was visually well pulled off. And Paris Hilton's dying scene was great, actually great.

Well, there you have it.