squatters

census has been fairly uneventful. today though. holy crap. definitely was chased by some dogs. i was sure i was going to die. i found an abandoned house and was walking around taking pictures. needless to say, it may not be so abandoned. two dogs come out of nowhere and gave chase. i couldn't remember if i was supposed to run or not run. grab a stick or not grab a stick. as i walked briskly and attempted to grab a stick, i almost tripped, so i decided it was, "not grab a stick". holy moly. holy moly. i've never been so scared in my life.

Meteor

End times, end times. Aquarius is coming. What if the next messiah is a zombie! Oh wait, they all were, therefore any apocalypse is kind of a zombie apocalypse. Kind of a cool thought, but doesn't give me much to look forward to.

Video from Iowa I saw on NPR's site.

My dad is the worst roommate ever.

My dad. God love him (further proof I need to leave the South. The day I say, "Bless his heart", I'm just going to end it all.) And everyone else does too.

The Teet had a buy 2 get 3 free special on deli meats and cheeses. I know I didn't need to actually buy 5 to get the discount, but I'm a fregan, and I had to. I come home around 8 and my dad is already in bed. I get up the next morning and the entire deli drawer is on the counter. Why? He apparently got out of bed, was so confused by the meat in the deli drawer, he put it on the counter for inspection...and then left it to rot?

It occurred to me today that if I don't open every single one of these deli items now, that when it comes time for him to open them, they will all be mangled and left ripped apart for the contents to stale and spoil.

A few weeks ago, I started putting the dirty silverware in a cup of soapy water on the back of the sink. Lets them soak, and keeps everyone from stabbing themselves when doing the dishes. And when I'd find that dad had put silverware in the sink, I'd put it in the cup. It's my thing not his, so I don't mind. Yesterday I made dinner and happened to be in the kitchen while he was making his plate. He got his silverware out of the dirty cup. For weeks now, apparently he has been using silverware from this cup.

No dad, the plastic storage containers are not meant to be used as dishes, nor are they meant to be used in the microwave. Sincerely, blistered round plastic container, and friends.

No, not all shoes fall apart as quickly as a 10 dollar pair from wal-mart. Example: ALL THE SHOES I"VE EVER BOUGHT YOU. And yes, they are better for your knees. So don't get mad when you force me to buy you new shoes.

Fill sink with hot soapy water. So far so good. Leave dishes in said water for THREE DAYS. Then wash them in THAT SAME WATER! No. no. NO. And if the rag you are using smells like a swamp, DON'T USE IT. And yes, you should wash the bottom of the dishes. "You don't eat off the bottom of the plate!" But it does sit on top of the eating side of the next plate! Also, you may not eat off the handle of the pot, but all the same, I'd prefer it not be covered in grease when I go to use it. Thanks.

My father is a bachelor. He does not care. I am well past the age of living at home, and will be moving shortly. But for now, my dad is the worst roommate ever.

Gifting Ideas

Again with the hippie crap...

In addition to the Preserve Toothbrush Subscription, here's two gift ideas I use and plan to adhere to more strictly in the coming years.

Gifting Idea No. 1: Antique stores. Especially the ones with multiple booths run by different owners. Flea Markets work too, but I usually have better luck in the stores. These places are a wealth of neat gifts. They feel as if they're bulging with secrets. The only danger - coming out with more for you than the person for whom you were shopping. The idea here is that there is so much "stuff" just sitting around. Why buy something new, putting a strain on our already strained resources, when there's a really neat Jack Daniels whiskey cabinet for 40 bucks at the local shop? Take a Sunday and just wander through the isles, something is bound to jump at you!

Gifting Idea No. 2: Local Gift Certificates. Is there a local haunt you really enjoy and hope it can survive? Give them some new customers with gift certificates! This works great for the less personal gifts, Secret Santa's, White Elephants, co-workers birthday. And there's nothing wrong with giving them to your friends too! Especially if they come with some small item you picked up at the Antique Store!

It's easy to run to Wal-mart and buy some crap they may or may not need. But where's the fun in that?

In your future gift giving pursuits, have some fun!

Hippie Garbage

A lot of "hippie" things have been weighing on my mind lately.

A big one has been a lesson we all learned in middle school science class:

"Matter can be neither created, nor destroyed."

If this is true, then we have all the resources we will ever have, right now. And I'm not talking about oil, water, etc. This is not an energy discussion. I'm talking about, well, everything.

Every time we throw something away, and it goes to a landfill, that bit of matter has been taken away from our total resources, most likely not to return, until we are so destitute that we actually go looking for things we need in the landfills. Oh, but it's biodegradable! So what? Those landfills are not being turned over. If the piles of garbage are not being turned over, there is no air getting to these potentially biodegradable items, and what you have is no better than the plastic garbage bag, but you did pay more for it!

Even those orange peels may not degrade for a long time, once stuffed under a pile of plastic.

So, compost! But you know what, even if you don't compost, throw your leftover food into your yard. And while you're at it, throw that biodegradable stuff out there too. Eventually, you'll get a pile big enough to warrant some fencing, and voila!, compost! Ok, it's not that easy, but it's certainly a start.

I stumbled across a website today offering recycled items. But actual useful stuff! Stuff we use and chuck in the garbage without thinking twice! Things like razors! The very words, Disposable Razors, should make you cringe a little. These guys even have a toothbrush subscription plan! No need to worry about when to replace your toothbrush, they'll mail you one when it's time!

But let's take this one step further. You buy it recycled, that's cool. But when you're done, you probably still throw it in the trash right? These guys give you free mailing labels to mail your stuff back! They even have information on recycling your brita filters!

These products will be expensive, right? NO! They aren't even trying to rip you off! It's amazing! Now we still gotta figure out what to do with the actual blades, but it's a start for sure.

Take a minute to check these guys out. It could mean the world, to everyone.

Seriously, think about what you're putting in the garbage, and where it's going.

http://www.preserveproducts.com/

Mostly Movies

First: How does that worm get in that apple? Do worms have teeth? Gross.

Second: something funny that i've already forgotten

And third: Avatar at the Oscars. Note how, outside "Best Picture" and maybe you could count "Directing", it only got nominations for things related to it's technological advances. "Best Actor"? no nominations. Actress? No. Supporting roles? No. How about Writing? Of course not. Not even in the "Adapted" category...

What does this say? Avatar was a "pretty" movie. And when Kathy Bates mentioned the good "messages" it portrayed, the rednecks of America...who were watching the Oscars? not likely i guess...turned to their wife and said, "There was a message in that thang?!"

This all leaves me to wonder how Avatar could even be nominated for "Best Picture". I almost cried when it didn't take that award. Cried with Joy! And I can't help but think that Cameron had to cringe a little losing both that title and "Directing" to his ex-wife.

In other news: Alice was sufficient. I need a second viewing to set a real opinion. The 3d was used properly in my book. Alice's dresses were fantastic. I thought Depp's character was a little off-putting at times. Matt Lucas as the Tweedles did not disappoint. And Crispin Glover was able to use his inherent creepiness in a proper way. Helena, well she rarely disappoints. The White Queen was a bit too flitty for me. I understand wanting to be dramatic, but she failed at portraying it well. Overall, I'd say 4 out of 5.

How about The Fall? If you haven't seen this, watch it. It's fantastic. The little Romanian girl will steal your heart.

And I recently watched House of Wax (2005), House of Wax (1953), and Mystery at the Wax Museum (1933). Mystery at the Wax Museum was fantastic. I was not aware certain topics were even discussed in the 30's. Women's lib I suppose, but I wonder if this was a theatre release, or art-house. Either way, fantastic film. House of Wax (1953) was a bore. Sorry Vincent. House of Wax (2005), while hokey at times, as teen horror movies are, was a decent flick of the genre. The final scene was visually well pulled off. And Paris Hilton's dying scene was great, actually great.

Well, there you have it.

Awesome Russian Video

This video is beyond explanation. The title loosely translates as, "I'm very happy you see, finally I'm returning home."

I thought this was the title of the song. Perhaps it is. This gentleman was not informed though. Unless this is just some sort of interpretive piece. I have a theory that he is gesturing at an "Iron Curtain" with love. Also that he may be under the influence of some of that psychic science they were working on over there.

Why bother talking about this. Watch the video. Your life will instantly improve.

I live on a trafficked enough street. This morning I walked to the kitchen to indulge in a weakness and realized my purified water was in the car. Ask Alton Brown, if you love your coffee, you won't taint it with your tap water. I'm in my robe. But I figure, if the thing you are going for in your robe, is something necessary to start your morning, you shouldn't be required to get dressed. Maybe I worry too much. People in the 50's were always out in the lawn in their robe. But it seems now, or I just get the feeling, that someone would find it offensive. My drab, ill shaped, bleach-spotted robe. But like I said, I was going for something needed for my morning ritual.

When I stepped out on the stoop, I smelled, what was it, Life? I smelled life. Before I can see spring, I can smell it. And my friends, it is on the horizon, so close.

Water Pod

I would like to design a Snuggie that holds water.

Who can afford a jacuzzi or their own pool? Who doesn't want a personal hot tub? A bathtub loses its temperature so quickly. Right as you start to slip into a consciousness not experienced since you were in utero, the temperature starts to drop. The time spent on filling the bathtub with hot water is roughly twice the amount of time you get to enjoy it. A shower holds its temperature, but how relaxed can you be while standing? I've been tempted to sit in a shower, but I know what comes off my feet in the shower, and I don't feel like sharing that with my butt.

Sometimes on a hot day, I'll go to wash my hands and find myself closing my eyes and pretending I'm in a cool, placid lake...until my fingers start to wrinkle.

So let's make a personal water pod. It would probably resemble more of a sack than an actual snuggie. It would have a temperature control. Just imagine sitting down to watch Drag Race in your own personal hot tub. Or maybe its hot outside, and you'd like to cool down, but who wants to drag their whale carcass to the public pool to splash around in children's urine? Just jump in your water pod!

If you've got some connections to get this thing going, let me know. In the meantime, I'm gonna go have a shower.

A dive into a bus.

Someone asked me recently, why, if I was so depressed there, would I want to go back to Russia.

I think he was referring to my stating that I would have never made it through that time without my mp3 player. We had been watching Long Way Round, and I had commented that I don't know how they could have survived such an undertaking without music.

I explained to him, it wasn't a matter of depression. It was a matter of surviving in a new culture I was having difficulty coping with. A culture of seemingly complete disregard for your neighbor. (I say "seemingly", because I don't feel I spent enough time there to make a blanket statement.) By biggest tribulation, through my entire time in Russia, was transportation.

Transportation itself fascinates me. I love to take local transportation everywhere I go, every form of it. I like cars, buses, trains, boats...camels, elephants...you get the idea. I like learning the proper etiquette for hailing a taxi or a bus. Or for haggling for a ride on a back of a moped or a hitch-hike in foreign SUV.

I detest transportation in Russia. First of all, in a new land, you rely on the kindness of strangers to get yourself on the right bus. Don't expect to find any of that in this land. I can remember every single incident of a transportation worker being nice to me in the six months I was there. Even if I forgot a few, I would still have about 5 experiences of niceness. I think I've mentioned that some of us joked about making awards to give out to people being nice. It wouldn't have cost much.

So you have the issue of zero information, and zero help finding this information. Let's say though, you know the bus you want to get on and where to find this bus. You know what, let me just describe my daily routine:

In the dark, inevitably in the wet, I trudged to the bus stop. There is a crowd of people, but not too overwhelming. Until the bus comes. And then it seems that people come out of nowhere, climbing out of the sewer, materializing out of some sort of Soviet portal whose technology died with Stalin. It's unbelievable. And you'd be surprised, how many little old ladies are desperate to get somewhere at 7am. I tried to be civilized. I tried to wait in line. Who wants to start the morning off punching an old lady? Let me tell you what being civilized got me - waiting and missing the next 3 buses. In the event that I got on one of the smaller buses, after pushing my way onto one, I then had to hunch over at the waist, as it was really just a mini-van, and stand like that for the next 40 minutes. Or perhaps punch someone else for a seat. From this hunched position, I now became part of the money passing. Bus fares are passed up from the back and tickets and change returned (unless you are in Ukraine, where you pay when you get off the bus, hey Russia, how bout that?). While unconcerned for the welfare of their neighbor, excuse me, seemingly unconcerned, they seem terribly concerned for people trying to cheat the system. No one doesn't pay. I watched. I got by with it on the big buses, but not on a mini-bus. In the midst of this crush of wet, irritable people, you have to yell up to the driver where you want to get off. I of course prayed someone else would need the same stop and do it first. Otherwise, I risk sounding like an idiot and yelling something like, "Fish Fry on a See-Saw Please!"

So I needed my mp3 player, and I dare say, don't forget yours if you choose to venture to the Great White Planet.