Softball? What?

I wish I had photos for this. Yesterday, the woman who owns the hotel near where I live, left me a voicemail about emergency entrance into her daughter's softball team. The next voicemail was my father...calling to tell me this woman would call. ...Then another one from the daughter asking me again to play.

So I returned a couple of those calls and stated my ineptitude. I told them I hadn't played anything since middle school gym class. They took me anyway. (later the daughter still asked what sport I played in High School...uh spite?, is that a sport?)

They told me to wear a green shirt. I only have one. It says, "Say No to Luxury Condos." I'm not even sure this is an issue on which I have a solid opinion. It was a free shirt. It was a perfect shirt. The team I was playing with was made up mostly of Cliff's Developments people. Oh the irony.

So they put me in as catcher. In this position, my ineptitude should only affect my own ego, and not so much the direction of the game.

I am covered in bruises. My catch to drop/no-where-near-the-ball ratio was about 1-8. Got hit in the junk...rather the pubic bone. Got hit in the throat. And my legs look like I have the bubonic plague. My muscles are not used to this kind of use...abuse?. And my wrist looks like somebody hit it with a baseball bat...oh right, I did.

I thought we were playing at six and then I'd be out by 7:30. I left around 11. It was a tournament. After the end of the second game, a very bored and put-out looking man walked up to me and handed me a trophy. 2nd place, what? I turned around and the rest of the team was as shocked as I was. That was all worth it. They had been looking the other way and all turned and just stopped...and then laughed.

We went for beers, of course taking the trophy in. I overheard one guy telling his table, "They just won a big softball tournament. That girl in the bandanna is hot, she plays catcher." HA!

Also I went to Hairspray(lesbian bar) last weekend. I did not want to go, and I did not terribly enjoy it. But taking my presence into account, and my recent softball activity, I'm concerned I may have caught the gay. Well, whatever, things were getting boring around here anyway.

Goals are important

A Canadian friend of mine recently moved to Atlanta to work as a web something-or-other at a company that makes slot machines. He has to make five goals for the year that somehow concern his job. I thought I'd give him a hand.


Goal 1- Improve water cooler chat

Goal 2 - Become compulsive gambler so as to better understand end customer

Goal 3 - Stop having syrup for breakfast so as to avoid having to replace keyboard every month due to stickiness

Goal 4 - Affect "Pimp Limp" so as to better fit into new surroundings and therefore be happier and more productive

Goal 5 - Read Zombies for Zombies so that after the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse you will be able to easily adjust to new cravings and lost appendages and continue to be a productive employee.


If you run into a similar problem, I'll be happy to help you make new goals.

Sandwich Love.

I love a sandwich. L-o-v-e. Usually I have to make my own for maximum pleasure...I'll revisit that with my counselor later... But occasionally I'll let someone else make me a sandwich. Stopped by Negozio's today. That place is pretty great. Everyone is so pleasant, and the sandwiches are excellent.

Here's my conundrum with sandwiches in general: Do you ever get about halfway through an excellent sandwich, and find the ingredients moving around, rendering it so that different bites have distinct tastes? I mean, each bite is probably good, but some are excellent. So you find yourself at the end of the sandwich, with maybe 2 or 3 bites left, and you stare at it, study it. You must find which section of that bit of sandwich will offer you the maximum enjoyment as your last bite. I'm about 50% successful.

God I love sandwiches.

Movie update

In Russia, I caught few new movies. I got the .99 movies on iTunes and they were either really old or really odd, and not good odd. Since I came home I saw Bruno, no comment. Finally caught Juno, enjoyable? And some other movie that I can't remember, so maybe it wasn't so good.

Just caught Away We Go. Unfortunately, it may be too late to catch in theatres, but rent it, add it to your Netflix. Yeah, it's your cutester, hipster, everything is too real film; a genre unfortunately already blase. But this film is great. All the way through...until the end. And not the ending, literally the last line was terrible.

I like realistic film. I like all kinds of film actually. Of course sometimes I like to believe that these stories could happen in real life. But at the same time, we don't watch movies to watch real life. (or maybe we do. does this have something to do with our laziness? we don't walk anymore so we don't see real life, and so have to waste 10 bucks at the theatre to see what life is like? this is another blog all together.) There has to be some disconnect. Either make the ending absurdly horrific, or absurdly great. This movie ended exactly as it would in real life. In fact, there is more disconnect between reality and hollywood throughout the rest of the movie.

Regardless. This movie is full of gem one-liners. Which is perhaps also becoming a blase genre, but it's not yet, so watch this film. Plus John Krasinksi is mucho attractivo with a beard.


I saw a preview for a movie called Adam. In this film, a guy with Aspergers, a fairly strong version of it from what I've seen, meets a girl. The movie seems to take the idea that many females have a habit of meeting men with problems and wanting to fix them, and it runs with it. But the guy and his asocial behavior seems to be the center of the film, so we can all laugh about our little social faux-pas' and look like asses because we're laughing at a guy with Autism. But it could be interesting.


I don't care for Quentin Tarentino. Deathproof was absolute shit. But I do like Brad Pitt. And I will see Inglourious Basterds simply to hear him say "Killin' Natzis" ten times.


Today at the Flat Rock Cinema starts, Cheri. This is some sort of Frenchish coming of age, both youth and menopausal, film that centers around some ladies of the night. This film stars Michelle Pfeiffer and...Kathy Bates. Well, regardless of not wanting to think of Kathy Bates as a courtesan, this could be an interesting film.

Mountain Deli

Often these days I find myself wiling away the hours in the local coffee house. It's not comfortable. It's full of jaded youths and retirees trying to find their youth. I sit on a couch and look for employment ideas. I ponder things. I waste a lot of time. I get hungry.

Today, Kevin suggests I try Mountain Deli. A new place in town. Immediately I asked, "Do they serve pastrami?" I've been catching up on television since I got back, mostly the Travel Channel. They show more interesting food shows on the Travel Channel than on Food Network, which is great for me, because I travel through food a lot. Watching this channel is bad for my health though. I wake up in the middle of the night craving Chicken and Waffles, I make plans for a restaurant that sells only BBQ and milkshakes. This is the product of television and hedonism perhaps. Today, I was on a pastrami search.

Let's start with the name of this locale: Mountain Deli. Hmm. Could have been more creative perhaps, but I see where they're coming from...I think. Still, I would have been more creative. The tables have maps of the mountains on them. A nice idea. Overall a comfortable little place.

Now I went to this place with Pastrami in mind. But I realized, that nothing was going to live up to the visions of Katz Deli I'd been drooling over. With that in mind, and a craving for Prime Rib, I chose the day's special: Roast Beef with Horseradish Sauce. I inquired as to the availability of straight horseradish and was asked to taste the sauce to make sure it wasn't strong enough already. A fair question. I tasted, it was fine, but not quite the kick I was looking for. I asked for a bit of the straight stuff as well. A bit. What I got was a gross misunderstanding of either horseradish or the English language. When I got into the sandwich, the back of my head started to ache in a manner only caused by horseradish. Thankfully the sandwich came with some Au Jus, and perhaps inspired by some of the more daring Travel Channel shows, I persevered (strange word, per and severed). After a bit, you don't notice it anymore, an interesting thing about horseradish. The beef itself was delightful. Really tender and tasty. Was it worth 7 bucks? I'm not sure. Was the small/medium soda worth $1.75? I'm gonna have to say no. And the regular sized candy bars for sale at $1.25 is just absurd.

In my travels I run across a lot of places where there are separate prices for tourists and for locals. I didn't think it would come to that here, but it may have to. I can't imagine how this place will stay in business when the snowbirds leave.

I'll give this place another chance to make me a sandwich, but I'll take it to go so I can afford to have something to drink.